I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
