You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
