Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
