his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
