she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
