Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
