Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
