i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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