i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
