It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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