She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize