3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
