Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
