i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize