i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
