Screwed.edu
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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