sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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