I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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