if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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