It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Please, let me fuck your mom
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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