i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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