You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize