somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
