Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
