if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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