youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my shit smells like andre
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize