I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Don't make out with my wife yet
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
