She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
