I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
