dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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