Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
