he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
