Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
