well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
