Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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