Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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