You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
