Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
