i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
