Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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