Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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