oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
