I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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