Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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