the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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