Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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