you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
