This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
