when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize