I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
