Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
