I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
