Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
