Kiss
Puke
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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