Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
