i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
