I cannot find my penis.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
