Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
