Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
