had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
