Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
