I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
