I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
