goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
