ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
