He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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